Vulpine Imperium

Submission Gallery

Laryngitis

By Anthony V. Leeuwenhoek
The beast beside me coughed. "Come here," he said. "I want to tell you a story.

"A long time ago, in a land filled with snow,
A sealion stood on the ice.
He stood in the cold with some laundry to fold,
And he thought 'Well! Isn't this nice!'

But a shock made him start, for a strawberry tart
Hit him slap bang in the face!
He spun on the spot, threw the laundry to rot,
And saw an unpleasant grimace.

'Twas the face of our cap'n, Jim Kill-Things-By-Scratchin',
And he never was a nice sight.
He took a quick goosey, his bow he let loosey,
And slayed the sealion on the ice!

The ship was a biggun, a ship built for squiddin',
Her name was the 'Good Mug of Grog'.
With the cap'n on board and the sea-lion stored,
She wallowed along like a frog.

The cap said 'Set sail!' The crew gave a wail,
For the Good Mug was becalmed in the sea.
The cap'n got bored, he said 'Jump overboard,
The sea seems a little angry!'

Well their heads the crew shook, and they had a quick look,
Their captain was outnumbered a hundred to one!
So they picked him up quick, chucked him straight off the ship,
And considered their job most well done!

The wind came back soon, they were docked before noon,
And the carcass they hauled off the ship.
Sooner or later, they'll find a huge tater,
And they'll make a gigantic fried chip!"