Vulpine Imperium

Submission Gallery

Farley D. ChopPaw

By Zilaco Wyndshard
Well don't ask me the time o day
Or which way the wind will blow me
There's only one thing I knows for sure
Tis a story me pa once told me

There was once a pirate captain king
a beast nobeast would cross
his sword was sharp as was his wit
n' crossin' him yer head could be lost

Farley D. ChopPaw was 'is name
No saltier dog alive
Farley's chop and Farley'd cut
'N not even bat an eye
Oh I oh, not even bat an eye

'Ol Farly owned the Rig n' Tow
A half way sea worthy craft
This Captain King was oh so proud
Of his partly leaking raft

He had a crew of seventeen
stout sand crabs on and all
And when they were asked to swab or clean
He had them at beckon call

Farley D. ChopPaw was 'is name
No saltier dog alive
Farley's chop and Farley'd cut
'N not even bat an eye
Oh I oh, not even bat an eye...

There came a day when the Tow did sail
upon the briny seas
The crew of crabs did trim the sails
And the craft sailed where she pleased

Farley kept up in the prow
And sailed his craft quite well
Until he saw another ship
"Bring 'er round!" he yelled

Farley D. ChopPaw was 'is name
No saltier dog alive
Farley's chop and Farley'd cut
'N not even bat an eye
Oh I oh, not even bat an eye...

Farley he done turn his gaze
To take in the other craft
Tall with three sails strung out
Much bigger than his raft

"Haul 'er in!" came the command
The the pirate captain king
strode to the front of his ship
With a challenge to sing

Oh, Farley D. ChopPaw was 'is name
No saltier dog alive
Farley's chop and Farley'd cut
'N not even bat an eye
Oh I oh, not even bat an eye.

My name's F. D. ChopPaw
As I'm sure you guessed
I'll take on your finest swordsbeast
'N put 'em to the test

There ain't no sea dog meaner
With the rapier than I
Send out the best you have in there
I'll take 'im on fer size!

Farley D. ChopPaw was 'is name
No saltier dog alive
Farley's chop and Farley'd cut
'N not even bat an eye
Oh I oh, not even bat an eye.

Farley D. ChopPaw was 'is name
No saltier dog alive
Farley's chop and Farley'd cut
'N not even bat an eye
Oh I oh, not even bat an eye

Upon the deck a beast appeared
A glint in his good eye
A saber sword was in his belt
With a loud voice he cried

I'm the captain of this rig
The Owl Eye's what we call her
I be the best of swordsbeasts here
I'll challange ye for sure

Farley D. ChopPaw was 'is name
No saltier dog alive
Farley's chop and Farley'd cut
'N not even bat an eye
Oh I oh, not even bat an eye

Captain Cutthroat was 'is name
A stoat with grand fanfare
He swung down to the little raft
And fixed ChopPaw with a glare

Drawing blades from their belts
the Captains growled at each other
Captain Cutthroat smiled at ChopPaw
"Ye best call fer yer mother."

Farley D. ChopPaw was 'is name
No saltier dog alive
Farley's chop and Farley'd cut
'N not even bat an eye
Oh I oh, not even bat an eye

Well don't ask me the time o day
Or which way the wind will blow me
There's only one thing I knows for sure
Tis a story me pa once told me

There was once a pirate captain king
a beast nobeast would cross
his sword was sharp as was his wit
n' crossin' him yer head could be lost

Farley D. ChopPaw was 'is name
No saltier dog alive
Farley's chop and Farley'd cut
'N not even bat an eye
Oh I oh, not even bat an eye...

Now Farley brandished polished steel
'N Cutthroat did like wise
To best the other at their game
Was the contest's prize

Oh just before he swung his blade
'Ol Farley cleared his throat
"Bring out the victims post yer haste!"
Rang loudly round the boat

Farley D. ChopPaw was 'is name
No saltier dog alive
Farley's chop and Farley'd cut
'N not even bat an eye
Oh I oh, not even bat an eye

Now the two stood tense and ready
As the First Mate crab came out
He placed a bowl between them
And let out with a shout

Now 'er yer carrots 'n yer greens
Yer onions 'n yer nice croutins'
The one teh make their salad first
Is the beast who wins!

Farley D. ChopPaw was 'is name
No saltier dog alive
Farley's chop and Farley'd cut
'N not even bat an eye
Oh I oh, not even bat an eye

Salad flew back and forth
Both creatures chopping fast
But with the flourish of his blade
'Ol Farley he weren't last!

With the final leaf in place
the Captain stowed his sword
He raised his paws in triumph to shout
"Now who's the best chef on board!?"

Farley D. ChopPaw was 'is name
No saltier dog alive
Farley's chop and Farley'd cut
'N not even bat an eye
Oh I oh, not even bat an eye