Ministry of Innovation
SED FUGERE POTEST
Little is known about the Minstry of Innovation. Very little. It maintains a corner office in the capital, but the office contains only a suggestion box and nothing else. It is said that the MinoInn is responsible for most of the Imperium's frequent and non sequitor technological advancements.
The position of Colonel Arbach/The Minister of Innovation is one with a significant past. In the founding of the Vulpine Imperium, the post was not included, yet in the reign of the Third Emporer, it was begun.
Colonel Arbach was a horrid Colonel, a worse Admiral, and a woeful Captain. As a crewbeast he was frightening, and as a landlubber, frankly dangerous. Colonel Arbach was a beast given to innovation. He was promoted first to captain after a daring, one-handed defeat of a marauding pirate ship ("Dear sirs, I will certainly not give you back your rudder unless you are quite far away from where I happen to be."). He soon proved to be a completely incompetant Captain, yet the problem there was certainly solved by his selfless conquering of an entire invading fleet ("I say, my boys, we don't have a battering ram, but that mast does look like it'd fit the job well. Cut it down."). After being promoted to Admiral, he was watched most closely by the Emporer. It was his brilliant survival amidst an impressive amount of complaints from his Captains about his "frankly idiotic ideas" for which he was awarded the rank of Colonel, and moved to be the Emporer's aid and chief innovator.
With his ideas, the Vulpine Imperium grew to be a well-oiled machine, admittedly with a strange amount of quirks which would "undoubtably come in useful later" ("Imperical Decree 81.4: All Palace Guards must be able to dazzle onlookers for at least five minutes with an impressive jig.") Upon his death, a new innovator was appointed, and given the title of the Minister of Innovation. By this time, though, the Third Emperor was a bit on in years. He called the new Minister of Innovation "Colonel Arbach" and, finally, everyone else adopted the name, too. The Fourth Emporer officially changed the Minister of Innovation's title to Colonel, and royally decreed his last name to be Arbach. The name has henceforth stuck throughout time.
The History of My Left Shoe
Excerpt from the Journal of Francis Corrigan Willikins, an entry on the divergence of a speech On The Subject Of Why Our Plates Should Be Yellow, written and orated by the Colonel Arbach, Vulpine Imperium.
"So...so if our plates were all yellow, well, it would cost money, but we'd lose less of them...and we'd know which ones are ours. And...well, I expect you all find this quite boring, and are, in fact, wondering why I am not wearing a shoe on my left foot. Well, um. Yes, it seems as if my left shoe is right now preoccupied in" - at this point, the Colonel searched his pockets for a moment, finally pulling out a slip of paper - "Kenny's Bunk Pointe? No, I don't understand why there was a town called that either; it seems rather foolish. But my left shoe is preoccupied, which I know because we recieved a message by Poste a few days ago from an influencial and, it seems, rather stunning (I am no expert in these things) right shoe, and the Ministry of Niceties arranged for its passage there immediately
"I'd be concerned, but, well, it's happened before. It was called to Length a few months ago to recieve an Honorary Diploma from the School For Left Shoes. The Ministry of Niceties arranged for its passage, but somehow missed out in retaining the Diploma, and, to my dismay, the School For Left Shoes. Weeks previous, it went urgently - again in the middle of the night - to Aramone, to visit the Left Shoe of the Emperor. Let me just say this, my Left Shoe is rather traveled, and if it could talk or have a cognitive process, I'm sure it would have a few things to say. I expect my Right Shoe wants to do something, but I'm afraid the Ministry of Niceties doesn't like it much, and it never goes anyhere."